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Joke of the Day

"My friend wants to carve a Venus statue from a tree. That seems like it would take a while, woodentit?"

"What do you use to compare and contrast nordic cultures? A Sven diagram!"

"Overheard in the jewelry shop: ""I swallowed for this??"""

"Only 3 more weeks until my Christmas lights change from ""still being up"" to ""being up early""."

"My wife just told me she read all 1800 of my tweets. I feel like I did when I was 10 and my mom found that magazine under the mattress...."

"Where do the Sith go shopping? The Darth Mall."

"What did one butt cheek say to the other? If we pull together, we can stop this shit."

"I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions."

"A helicopter I know was really frustrated after trying to grow his facial hair out His beard was Apache one"

"Why can't meteorologists forecast the weather? -They are too busy studying comets and meteors"