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Joke of the Day

"You're telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee... They don't put any booze in it or nothin?"

"Don't tell a Klepto this... ...they take everything literally."

"I just cancelled my gym membership It wasn't working out."

"Some subreddits What kind of subreddit dedicates itself to darkness and shadows? No it is not r/shadow [removed]"

"I tried to wear skinny jeans but it squeezed all my flesh into the top half of my body and made me look like a novelty balloon."

"What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas? Cancer."

"Why do women try to talk football? Do you see me in the kitchen discussing dishwashing strategies? No. You don't."

"Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 7 minutes doing doggy style... I mean, that's almost an hour in dog time."

"First grade teacher asks student what the plural of horse is ""Pregnant whores?"""

"Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?"