210117
Joke of the Day
"I just cancelled my gym membership It wasn't working out."
Next Joke
"[interview for doctor's office receptionist] ""Can you schedule appointments and be friendly"" Yes. ""Sorry we're looking for the opposite"""
"What do you call it when you forgot to use mouthwash, and it kills an otherwise pleasant evening? A ""no scope"""
"My neighbor named his dog ""Rolex""... He's a watch dog."
"Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head."
"""Sorry, I fail to see how I 'misled' you when my profile CLEARLY says I'm 'a total cat person'?"" - half-cat/half-person being after bad date"
"I am eternally grateful to whoever donated organs for my surgery... I'll always hold a little piece of them close to my heart."
"I like the phrase bury the hatchet because it implies someone was trying to resolve an argument with a fucking hatchet"
"I'm a professional click-baiter. AMA! What I did there....Did you see it?"
"Why was the dolphin depressed? He felt he had no porpoise in life"