31987

Joke of the Day

"So I was on tindr today and someone offered me a $125/hr ""girlfriend experience"" So she expects me to pay her 125 an hour to argue with me in the middle of an Applebee's!?"

"I stole a friend's phone today and set it so it will autocorrect ""I've"" to ""me've"" and me'm really excited about it."

"Why are black people so good at basketball? Because there is running shooting and stealing involved!"

"[crime show] DETECTIVE: It looks like the guy that inserts dramatic music into our show has been.. *Flintstones theme song plays* Murdered"

"[Catholic church] *priest hands out ""What To Expect At Your Exorcism"" Husband: Babe, this isn't counseling Me: You said you'd try anything"

"I have a confession to make: I masturbate in the shower. It feels good to come clean."

"Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop!"

"What do you call a girl who fucks dogs? Weird... Haha fuck naw you call em Whitney Wisconsin"

"A son asks his father, ""Dad, what does gay mean?"". ""Son, gay means happy"", the father replies. ""Dad, are you gay?"" ""No, son, I'm married to your mother"""

"some dogs can find bodies that have been buried for years & mine can't even find a cracker that hit him in the face on the way to the floor"