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Joke of the Day

"The Viking God Thor comes to Earth... and spends all weekend shagging a woman with a harelip. On Monday morning he says to her ""I am Thor"". She replies ""you're thor, I can't even pith!"""

"Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?"

"I never realized how overweight my thumbs were until I tried typing on an iPhone."

"What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen? Charlie Sheen's winning."

"Contrary to obvious physics, you can't attach a ceiling fan to your back and fly away like a helicopter."

"Everyone in horror movies: *loud scream* It was probably just the wind *a ghost flies across room* Just the wind *dog gets cut in half* Wind"

"Hey baby! What's up? Baby: My mother's uterus."

"If you use a lighter on a cigar, a man will smoke for a day If you use a lighter on a man, he'll smoke for the rest of his life."

"What do you call it when you kill someone with your bad breath from a long distance away? No scope"

"Autocorrect can be a real birch. Dammit!"