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Joke of the Day

"I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*"

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"It's a hard life being a window... Everyone can see right through you"
"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."
"My New Year's Resolution 1920 x 1080"
"Investment fail In college, an ounce of heady weed was the same price as an ounce of gold. I made terrible investments and now I'm a dog walker."
"The Holy Liar A: ""I dont trust in god."" B: ""You're an atheist? :o"" A: ""No, i think he's a liar."""
"How many fams does it take to get the sky lit? Just one sun"
"What do you call a bear with no teeth ? A gummy bear"
"What did one German baker say to the other? Glutentag!"
"Damn girl are you playboy magazine? Cause holy fuck you have a pile of issues"