146494

Joke of the Day

"The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it's not in my way."

"Twitter 1 Act: -Person misreads sarcasm -You point out it's sarcasm -""I know I was being sarcastic back"" -Sharpen pencil, jam it in own eye"

"What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted? Crusty"

"I consider myself very decisive.. I guess."

"Catwoman's full name is Catherine Woman."

"Man: ""I think I saw a UFO last night"" UFO with fake moustache: ""Nah, it was probably one of them optical gases or something"""

"I remember one time my uncle asked me to spell ""schadenfreude"", and I couldn't. But he's dead now and I'm not, so I win."

"[at a party] *taps wife's shoulder* I've looked everywhere...where are all the swings? (wife pulls away from kissing Bob) ""What?"""

"America will suffer if Trump becomes president... You could say we're going toupee for it"

"Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do."