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Joke of the Day

"My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper. It was a Cardi Yak arrest."

"Other people are gettin these amber alerts, right? Like, it's not up to me to find these kids?"

"Dog keeps sighing melodramatically. I know he wants me to ask him what's wrong, but I'm not falling for it."

"My hair is so long, it started growing it's own hair. Don't take that too seriously, it's metafollicle."

"The best part of being lactose intolerant is the cure for constipation is cheese."

"I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic... How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?"

"Axe came out with 2 new body sprays. I'm having a hard time deciding between ""My mom is picking me up at 8:30"" and ""Can I touch your bra"""

"Wind Farms..... I'm a big fan!"

"Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected."

"The test results came back, and Frodo's wife can't have a baby. She's non-hobbit forming."