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Joke of the Day

"I was at a golf course... And I asked a lady, who looked like a regular ""Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?"". She answered ""About an inch""."

"""United Airlines? More like DIVIDED Airlines"" he said as thunderous applause erupted in the terminal, wild cheers & all the old folks crying"

"Here's an offensive joke, what's black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra, you bastard."

"What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window? Where you going essay!?"

"I used to have sex daily... Then Reddit taught me it was just dyslexia... Edit: Holy donkey balls this blew up during my daily 8 hour nap. Thanks everyone for making my New Years.."

"Judging from what most terrifies my cats, when the apocalypse comes it will be heralded by a great rustling of plastic grocery bags."

"What is Bernie Sanders' LEAST favorite band? SWV (sisters with voices)"

"What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? they're fun to ride until your friends find out."

"I went to Lowe's to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don't exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them"

"The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray."