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Joke of the Day

"Hillary is a great female candidate. She really puts the ""Emale"" in ""Female""."

"How do you get a woman to scream twice? You do her in the ass, then wipe it off on the drapes."

"If Apple made a car... Would it have Windows?"

"When I see crying children and miserable parents- I run to the bathroom, crush up my birth control, and snort it."

"While falling down an enclosed space that leads to the laundry room, two heterosexual cats hugged eachother in love embracing themselves before their death. It was CHUTE!"

"Cop: You been drinking?nnMe: No.nnCop: Say the alphabet backwards.nnMe: Alphabet the. nnCop: Hilarious. Say each letter.nnMe: Each letter."

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the P is silent!"

"I've been driving with a coca cola can stuck in snow on the roof of my car for a week cuz 7 thinks it makes us cops. Stare all you want."

"If you drop food on the floor in public, it's proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth."

"[texting] -have a good day You two! *to Ugh *tpp Arghh *yoo DAMMIT *two shit *TOO YOU TOO There! :) -please stop texting me Ha! You two!"