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Joke of the Day

"[texting] -have a good day You two! *to Ugh *tpp Arghh *yoo DAMMIT *two shit *TOO YOU TOO There! :) -please stop texting me Ha! You two!"

"Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section."

"My little Nephew told me this one. What do Trees and Dogs have in common? Bark."

"Santa goes to... Santa goes to your house, goes down your chimney, and watches you while you're asleep... And everyone adores him... I do it one time..."

"What do you call an epileptic puppy? Kibbles 'n Fits."

"Two roommates were arguing... About who gets to use the microwave first. Then things started getting heated."

"I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive."

"Didja hear the joke about the piece of paper ripped in half? It's tearable."

"What can you put at the end of a sentence, to make it funnier? The punchline."

"Someone asked me if it's true that all the women I've made love to have been depressed I said, ""That depends...do you mean before or after?"""