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Joke of the Day

"Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato? A: Write a whole note with ""solo"" above it."

"i like the viagra ad where the guy is on some crabbing boat in the middle of the bering sea, thinking about how he can't get hard anymore"

"Every time I pinch a loaf; I think,""I don't knead this shit."""

"How does a turtle grate cheese? Shredder"

"My wife faked an orgasm, so I faked a mortgage payment"

"I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks."

"When her friend visits, my 2yr old just wants to hug her a lot... & keep her away from the toys. I feel that way about my friends & my vodka"

"*Hands girl a card that says Be Mine* Girl: Aw that's so sweet *Pulls out a pickaxe* Me: Come on, do it I need some iron ASAP lady!"

"""Mmmm Brians"" - a dyslexic or gay zombie"

"Beached whale Today I got in trouble at work for throwing water on a lady... I just thought that's what your suppose to do for a beached whale"