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Joke of the Day

"""Thanks, that's a great haircut."" [takes off wig] ""Now let's see how you do with the real thing."""

"Shattner didn't go to Nimoy's funeral, and Obama's been on the phone all weekend with the Vulcan ambassador, trying to smooth things over."

"Who is this Rorschach guy? ....and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?"

"Want to hear a good comeback story? Brokeback Mountain."

"What's green with a brown tip? The cucumbers in Elton John's fridge."

"Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression. One minute he was up, then he was down."

"What is the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before eating it."

"US has serious problem with illegal immigrants. If you don't believe me ask any Native American."

"A redneck goes to a family reunion and says ""Honey, I'm home!"""

"My medical insurance plan is so bad that I'm not allowed to see my doctor. He just reads my Twitter and adjusts my medications."