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Joke of the Day

"The problem with traveling into the future is that it's hard to determine the date because newspapers no longer exist."

"I want to give a shout out to liver thanks buddy for keeping all those bad influences out of my life"

"If someone holds eye contact with you for longer than 3 seconds, make sure you urinate to establish dominance"

"In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH."

"What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama."

"[Sea fishing] Me: This is fun. [Deep sea fishing] Me: Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it's not fish they're after."

"Why people don't use #YOLO anymore? Because they lived once"

"I have a buddy that likes to have sex with inanimate objects. We don't hang out much. He's always got stuff to do."

"Why was Hitler so obsessed about getting into heaven? Because there were 6 million Jews waiting for him in hell."

"In my opinion guys should only us two fragrances of Old Spice deodorant... Fuji or Timber... but that's just my two scents."