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Joke of the Day

"My friend and his girlfriend are looking for a girl to have a three-way with... I told him to find someone whose parents are divorced. You want to find a girl who is comfortable ruining relationships."

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"This lady at the store didn't know what a Toblerone was and I've honestly never been more offended in my life."
"What kind of vehicle swerved to miss a talking lizard in the road? Dodged-a-Rango"
"I don't think so unnamed henchman shooting at the main character."
"Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter? He *literally* can't even."
"""First time caller, long time listener""Alexander Graham Bell"
"Cop: Know why I pulled you over? Me: Yeah Cop: Oh ok nevermind"
"What's dad's best one-liner? ""My wife."""
"John Fogerty's ""Centerfield"" makes no sense. I'm pretty sure he'd fly first-class."
"What's a Henway? Oh, you know. About 5 pounds. I'll show myself the door now."