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Joke of the Day

"I booked a taxi today When it arrives I threw up a Nazi salute. I bet no one's thought of heiling a cab before"

"I spilt glue on my autobiography & then accidentally sat on it. Anyway, that's my story & I'm sticking to it."

"My girlfriend told me that she looked fat, and wanted me to give her a compliment... I told her that her eyesight was outstanding."

"I'd rather break your headboard than your heart."

"I was sitting on the toilet, constipated... The undropped turd asked me, ""Man, what did you eat?!"" ""A pound of cheese,"" I said. The turd said, ""You're shittin' me."" I said, ""I shit you not."""

"Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. You've probably heard this one before. But it's Christmas tomorrow so what the hell."

"What's the easiest way to make a million dollars? Invest a billion."

"What's the quietest element? A no-bell gas. Especially when the ringing noises Are-gon."

"What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just gave a little wine"

"A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does."