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Joke of the Day

"This lady at the store didn't know what a Toblerone was and I've honestly never been more offended in my life."

"Why do honeydew melons have to get married in a formal ceremony? Because they cantaloupe."

"You wanna know how I hold my liquor? By the ears :p"

"If I was Jennifer Lawrence, I'd see which laws I could ignore. Start with going behind the counter at Starbucks, work my way up to murder."

"What did the father say before he killed his child with a vacuum cleaner? Dyson"

"I called the Paranoia Hotline: This guy answered and said, ""How the hell did you get this number?"""

"My Animal Science dissertation ""Are Hippos Just Girl Rhinoceroses?"" met with a healthy dose of scientific skepticism WHICH I WELCOME."

"Did you know that 2 x 10 is the same 2 x 11 One is twenty and the other is twenty two."

"A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party."

"What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day? A Buddha Pest."