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Joke of the Day

"Christmas is great! You can sit on the lap of a total stranger and no one is offended."

"What do dark humour and food have in common? Only some people get it."

"I was never great with girls but I have standards... I don't date ugly girls... I make them fucking ugly..."

"Guinness book of world records I use to have my dick in the Guinness book of world records, but then the librarian told me I had to leave."

"Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake."

"""Where does it hurt?"" the doctor asked. ""Right Ear"" replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle."

"You ever heard of Oedipus? That guy's a real motherfucker."

"My friend gave me an EpiPen as he was dying. He must have *really* wanted me to have it."

"What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi."

"What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus? He waits at the next station"