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Joke of the Day

"My school principal is also a mechanic When I asked him about my shaky car, he said it was grounds for suspension."

"Duh There are three types of people in this world. Those who can add up, and those who can't"

"Top ten Instagrams are of young women http://dadaviz.com/i/3971 *exclusions apply"

"Muffins are just cupcakes that will never get laid."

"It's funny how dogs can lick their own balls... it's so hard for me to do that, they start barking at me before i get anywhere near them."

"I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open."

"I cheated in the annual rabbit racing contest..... I won by a hare"

"CW: What's for lunch; smells good! Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet. CW: Me: *smirks*"

"Im so fucked up i wrote 3 tweets into my phone and texted them to the Hurricane Katrina fund."

"A guy goes into a Latvian bar with 3 potatoes Walks out with a female entourage that would make Hef proud."