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Joke of the Day

"Two peanuts walks into a bar... ...and one was a salted."

"*accidentally summons malevolent demon at a seance* I WILL HAUNT YOUR HOME FOREVER! [4 days later] YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CLEAN UP OCCASIONALLY"

"Some people say that it's impossible to have fun and burn calories.. I suppose those people have never burned a fattie."

"The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so... I choose sleep."

"Shout out to the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets. *Friend posted this. Gave me a good laugh."

"What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? Curses! Foil again!"

"What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? One is a snack cracker and the other a crack snacker."

"Why can the Cornish always lend a hand? They probably have a spare."

"I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils....."

"Why do black people put their garbage in clear trash bags? So the Mexicans can window shop."