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Joke of the Day

"A step-by-step guide on how to parallel park! 1) Park somewhere else."

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"Why was the testicle always in a bad mood? Because his brother is a nut and his two closest friends are a dick and an asshole."
"*holding a glass of white wine with 2 hands like it's a mug of hot cocoa*"
"I like my coffee the way I make the women in my life... Dark and bitter."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Gordon ramsey"
"I like playing with my dog when I'm high. Because I don't have one when I'm sober."
"What do we want now!? When do we want 'em? Time machines!"
"So...Donald Trump was on The View today. I kept rewinding it and watching it trying to spot Elizabeth Hasselbeck's boner."
"Whats the worse part of being a pedophile? Trying to fit in."
"There are alot of Hillary signs in my neighborhood... When did she change her last name to 'For Prison'?"