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Joke of the Day

"Moms, teach your sons to mind their manners, cook a decent meal & look for inner beauty.nnDads, teach your daughters how to throw a punch."

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to smash with a sledge hammer the others just a fucking watermelon."

"Things I suck at:1. Being attractive.2. Being normal.3. Relationships.4. Texting back.5. Math.6. Life."

"My friend sent me a picture of her baby and I don't have a baby so I just sent her back a picture of a steak I cooked once."

"my neighbor who got his nut shot off last winter is outside gluing his license plate to his van"

"A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a beer."

"Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How fucking cool is that for someone her age."

"I know who's Batman's real son It's Lil Wayne!"

"The guy who coined the phrase,""I'm not gettin any younger."" The guy he said it to then coined the phrase,""No shit, Sherlock."""

"[after 20 minutes of awkward silence in the sauna] ""This isn't the bathroom is it"""