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Joke of the Day

"The guy who coined the phrase,""I'm not gettin any younger."" The guy he said it to then coined the phrase,""No shit, Sherlock."""

"Knock knock Help"

"I like my girls like I like my coffee. In a bag in my freezer"

"A fun way to find bleach in your coffee is to tell me I'm turning into my mother."

"Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials? Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights."

"I get pretty horny when someone disses me over the Internet. I always get e-rekt."

"What's the difference between an apple and a hormone? You can't hear an apple"

"Okay, let's get this straight. There's no way EVERYONE has the best boyfriend in the world."

"I earned a masters degree and a doctorate; I have $413.21 in assets. Weird Al Yankovic is worth 11 million. Kids, don't stay in school."

"My wife and I only went out for 5 months before we got married. We just knew... That she was pregnant."