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Joke of the Day

"My friend sent me a picture of her baby and I don't have a baby so I just sent her back a picture of a steak I cooked once."

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel? So you're the one!"

"My wife asked me to stop singing wonderwall. I said maybe."

"Someone check the bulletin board... I think it's been shot!"

"Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick."

"A negative times a negative is a positive... So if they say, ""no"", twice, it ain't rape."

"Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella."

"What breaks every time you give it to a toddler? Their pelvis."

"The miserly squirrel never found a mate, because he insisted on a prenutshell agreement."

"I couldn't work at a Rainforest Cafe without yelling ""You know where you are? You're in the jungle baby! You're gonna die!"""