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Joke of the Day

"my neighbor who got his nut shot off last winter is outside gluing his license plate to his van"

"Once while eating bacon I said I was ""getting piggy with it"" and now I have no friends."

"Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood a man is already there."

"I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!"

"'William I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door' said mum. 'yes but they're twins so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'"

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? One is against the law, the other is a sick bird. Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!"

"What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? [X-post from /r/SacrilegiousHumor] Church"

"Where do you find a liberal at a convention? In the far left corner!"

"Style of break up: Boy bought gift for His Girl friend- GF:Wat the hell would I do with this rocket? Boy: U wanted stars na? Now sit on it and GET LOST"

"Q: Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey? A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store."