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Joke of the Day

"i found out how to kill vegetarian vampires a steak to the heart"

"I tried eating a clock earlier.. It was really time consuming"

"Did you hear about the water thief-turned-photographer? Apparently he was a great pitcher-taker. (Credit goes to my husband.)"

"What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina? Only one fifth of what comes out of her vagina is retarded."

"When someone asks you if you've met their kids... ... it turns out that the proper reply is NOT ""Yes, heheh."""

"The man is crying on the cemetry. -Why did you leave us so early? He is asked why are you so crying? Do you cry about your close relative? -No, I am crying about the first husband of my wife."

"It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment."

"The police are looking for a stole toilet from the police station. At the moment they have nothing to go on."

"Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook."

"Do you know what really brings your face together? A really bad smell!"