30165

Joke of the Day

"Pal - ""Can you help me put this IKEA desk together?"" Me - ""I'll need a screwdriver."" Pal - ""Sure what type?"" Me - ""Greygoose or Kettle One."""

"If you're American & I ever hear you use the word ""whilst,"" this I swear: you will not live to see the 3rd season of Sherlock."

"Ok everyone enough of your ""family"" time to come back to the internet. We are your real family."

"Does Sean Connery like herbs? Yes, but only partially."

"If Hillary wins I'm moving to Benghazi at least she'll ignore me there!"

"'So Timmy, how did you fall into that well?' 'Oh. I never fell in, I was p- *sees Lassie do cut throat motion* -was jumping in.'"

"Why is Cinderella so bad at football? A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball"

"Knock Knock Who's there? Ye Old Lady. Ye Old Lady Who? Never knew you could yodle."

"Dryer settings: - not the least bit dry - shrunk to barely fit 12 yr old you"

"Excuse me, do you like graves? Yeah, I dig 'em."