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Joke of the Day

"If Hillary wins I'm moving to Benghazi at least she'll ignore me there!"

"I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04."

"How many dothraki does it take to open a door? Idk, but they sure are hot."

"Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys? In 2015 humans consumed 65 million tons of bananas and only 8 monkeys."

"Some people are like Slinkys. Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when they tumble down the stairs."

"I'm upset b/c 2011 marks yet another year my birthday will not fall on Friday the 13th. I guess that's what I get for being born on May 3rd."

"Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business."

"How does a skeleton call her friends? On a telebone."

"Guys: when you're shaving, do the Hitler part first. You don't want to get interrupted and then be running around with just the Hitler part."

"Which is better Pirate Bay or Pirate Bae? Pirate Bae, because it never goes down."