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Joke of the Day

"Funniest joke I've ever heard. women's rights."

"What does Snoop Dogg keep in his backyard? His garden hoes."

"Two sausages in a pan; one says to the other ""It's hot in here isn't it?"" ...the other one turns round and says ""FUCK ME! A talking sausage!"""

"On your deathbed tell everyone ""pray for me"" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says ""pray harder next time"""

"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby."

"My alarm is set to the sound of a heart monitor's flatline so I startle awake every morning and think, ""whew. Close call."""

"Win every disagreement by saying "" I know. I'm from the future."" Because they can argue with you, but not science."

"I've watched three episodes of ""I Shouldn't Be Alive"" tonight, adding ""outdoor enthusiast and survival expert"" to my online dating profile."

"I bet ninjas have the worst gas... ...because they're silent but deadly."

"ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth"