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Joke of the Day

"Two sausages in a pan; one says to the other ""It's hot in here isn't it?"" ...the other one turns round and says ""FUCK ME! A talking sausage!"""

"Just finished charging my iPhone. Lets see how long the battery la"

"Picking a Xmas gift for your wife is hard, so I've decided to deplete our bank account, fake my own death & move to Thailand She'll love it"

"Ways To Win My Heart: 1) Be smoking hot 2) Be thin 3) Be a pig 4) Be bacon"

"What's the most overused joke nowadays? Donald Trump"

"If ""Cops"" has taught me anything it's to stay away from people with blurry faces, they're nothing but trouble..."

"This guys car is stopped in the middle of the hwy with his flashers on. Probably thought of a really good tweet."

"A woman sits in a bar and orders a cocktail named ""Double Entendre"" So the barkeeper gives it to her."

"I saw an American Bridge player crying last night She said she bid 4 No Trump"

"Relationships are like fat people... Most don't work out!"