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Joke of the Day

"What is the capital of the United States? Half of what it was last week"

"Why didn't the shrimp share his food?? He was a little shellfish"

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone."

"I just had a baby! It was delicious."

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there's no dental records."

"What if Hitler killed all the Jews The Fine brothers wouldnt exist. Thats all I wanted to say."

"[firing squad] Any last requests? ""Here's my mixtape, if u like it, will u let me live?"" Yes. *listens* Oh man that's FIRE *gunshots*"

"If she runs away I will pursue her. But since she possesses superior footspeed and cardio I may have to borrow someone's bicycle."

"God: What's that? Noah: The aquarium God: For what? Noah: The fish God: Fish can survive floods Noah: *kicks llama* YOU SAID EVERY ANIMAL"

"The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you're AT BEST his #2 fan."