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Joke of the Day

"If she runs away I will pursue her. But since she possesses superior footspeed and cardio I may have to borrow someone's bicycle."

"I heading to the beach and i'm going to sneak up from behind annoying couples who are watching the sunset, and pee all over them"

"Last requests After I die, I have 2 requests on what shall happen to me. 1) I want my remains spread around Disney world. 2) I do not wish to be cremated"

"""Toothpaste? You made that word up!"" - Steve Bushemi"

"What do you call a midget that does cocaine? A low blow"

"""I want her skin."" -Serial killers and teenage girls"

"How many non-sequiturs does it take to change a light bulb? Yes"

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves Shot"

"Why do rapists make such great salesmen? They don't take no for an answer."