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Joke of the Day

"God: What's that? Noah: The aquarium God: For what? Noah: The fish God: Fish can survive floods Noah: *kicks llama* YOU SAID EVERY ANIMAL"

"Sorry I have byslexia..."

"Does everyone have that ONE follower who will Fav the hell outta every RT...but wouldn't even piss on your own tweets if they were on fire?"

"ME: Mint choc chip ice cream, pls. I got my own cone [places it on counter] EMPLOYEE: This is a traffic cone? ME: You must be new here."

"Porn is the Kevin Bacon of the internet. No matter what site you go to, it's no more than 6 clicks away."

"*turns on alarm* Alarm: I have a headache"

"I asked my doctor how bad my breath is. ""You see that broccoli over there?"" he pointed. ""Yes..."" I replied. ""That was a cauliflower before you started talking."""

"How can you tell if Asians are good at sex ? Because out of 6 randomly chosen people, 3 will be Asians."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.... But I don't know Y"

"Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides."