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Joke of the Day

"[firing squad] Any last requests? ""Here's my mixtape, if u like it, will u let me live?"" Yes. *listens* Oh man that's FIRE *gunshots*"

"After 5 years of marriage. After 5 years of marriage I found out my wife has 2 incomes, hers and mine....."

"my signature move is called ""the Mouse,"" where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon"

"What's the difference between Rihanna and Britney Spears? ... Britney asked to be hit one more time.."

"You should always wrap your hamster in duct tape. That way, it won't explode when you fuck it."

"He's street smart. Sesame Street smart."

"You ever notice how an electric pencil sharpener and a cat's butt look the same? They even make the same noise when you stick a pencil in it: Rar, Rar, Rar, Rar...."

"I was going to tell you this joke about Matthew Shepard... ...but I'm kind of on the fence about it."

"What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead annnnnnnnttt."

"An ESPN ad just popped up with, ""Want to keep up with the Women's NCAA Tournament? Click the link below!"" Ha... ESPN, always the comedian."