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Joke of the Day

"YOU'LL GO BLIND When we were young teens, we were told not to masturbate or you'll go blind. I always thought that was a joke until I heard about what happened to Bill Cosby"

"Croatian salary is like menstruation You get it once a month, it lasts 5-6 days and then you're fucked"

"Why Did the Italian Go to the Sauna? For a self'a steam."

"i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it"

"Sorry babe I wasn't paying attention sorry babe I wasn't paying attention, can you start over ? ok, from where ? 2009"

"What's the proper salutation to use when writing a resignation letter to your children?"

"[death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: ... Me: it sounded longer in my head."

"As I spread my girlfriend's legs I thought to myself... This is the strangest thing I've ever had on toast."

"BREAKING: Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured."

"Ive recently been under the weather but now im in a stable conditon My rooms filthy and there is shit everywhere"