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Joke of the Day

"I had the left side of my body cut off... But I'm all right. EDIT: I just realize that whether the left was cut from the right or the right from the left is a matter of sincere argument."

"Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home."

"Have you heard about the record-setting farmer...? He's outstanding in his field"

"How did Jared Fogle lose 40 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend."

"A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar... A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. Immediately, the bartender walks up and says: ""Hey! You guys can hang out here...just don't try and start anything."""

"Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I'm not a chick so this won't get 624 faves"

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: ""you have a dog?"" Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein."

"WORST THING YOU CAN DO What's the worst thing you can do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet!"

"What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker? Putin on the Ritz."