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Joke of the Day

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"What's the difference between George Michael and Carrie Fisher? Two days."

"My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day... Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, ""60 Watts - Made in China."""

"I only entered the witness protection program for the free plastic surgery."

"Salads don't kill people. People who eat salads kill people."

"Why was the African man wearing a wristwatch? He needed to hold up his pants."

"Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side."

"I'd tell you a chemistry joke but... I know I wouldn't get a reac- ***JOKE RETRACTED BY THE FINE BROS***"

"What did the corn say when it was complemented? Aww, shucks!"

"I'm optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket."