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Joke of the Day

"Do you know that horrible feeling of guilt when you eat all your kids candy? Me neither."

"Why are there no asian knights? Armor is pretty much useless once there's a chink in it."

"Every time I pinch a loaf; I think,""I don't knead this shit."""

"How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: a word"

"What did one candle say to the other? ""Don't birthdays burn you up?"""

"I would like to learn more about frequencies But whenever I try to measure it, it only Hertz"

"Q.What do me and a mirror have in common? A.When we see your face we both crack up!"

"A doctor goes to write a prescription... He reaches into his pocket to take out his pen, but finds a rectal thermometer instead. Annoyed, he complains, ""Some asshole stole my pen!"""

"Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year."

"Why do some people call it a ""tuna-fish"" sandwich? It's not like anyone calls it a ""chicken-bird"" sandwich."