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Joke of the Day

"How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw. Edit: a word"

"Interviewer: Your resume only has ""Mad"" under ""Skills"" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway."

"I use to be addicted to soap I'm clean now"

"What's up with gay analysts? They anal-ize."

"Lindt Chocolate are to make a new Chocolate bar to commemorate the terrorist attack on its cafe in Sydney It will be called allahu akBAR"

"What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically? Tsar-Chasm"

"What is it called when the Queen farts? a noble gas!"

"Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili?? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!"

"How do you feel when you don't have coffee? Depresso."

"The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas."