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Joke of the Day

"I intend to live forever... or die trying."

"DOING NF NOW! ign OpticVpredz [x1] [xboxone]"

"The best thing for a hangover is to drink excessively the night before. Not sure why you'd want one, though."

"Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes? A: Slow clowns."

"I lost my kid at the zoo the other day.... I couldn't find him, so they just shot all the animals."

"Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I'm making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo's."

"What does a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common? Either way, someone is losing a trailer."

"Why did the mountain climber quit halfway through his climb? He really wasn't feeling up to it."

"When life gets tough, remember this: You were the strongest sperm."

"I met Mike Tyson and he had his tiger with him. I said, ""Wow! I can't believe you actually have a tiger! I thought that was a myth."" He said, ""Well you were mythtaken."""