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Joke of the Day

"The best thing for a hangover is to drink excessively the night before. Not sure why you'd want one, though."

"I just saved a bunch of money by not paying any bills cuz I don't have a job."

"Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my ""funny"" status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body..."

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor."

"I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion."

"[first date] HER: What are you doing with the Tupperware? ME: [filling container] The sign says 'All You Can Eat', it doesn't specify when"

"Why does NASA throw the best parties.... they make sure to planet"

"Do you have a nose? Who nose? Courtesy of the ~6yo on my morning bus."

"You haven't truly won an argument until the other person says ""whatever."""

"What I hated about church as a kid was.. all the standing up, and sitting, and the knelling I had to do. I just wish the priest would pick a position and fuck me already."