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Joke of the Day

"If a British person calls 911 and says, ""It's a bloody mess"" how does the operator know if there's blood or the person is just being British"

"My office's password has been hacked. That's the third time i've had to rename the cat."

"How High Are You? Officer: How high are you? Me: No Officer, it's hi, how are you?"

"My boss hates it when I shorten his name to ""Dick"". Especially since his name is Steve."

"What cut of beef was Lady Gaga's meat dress made from? Skirt steak. Forgive me."

"The captain of a ship got into a fight with a one eyed monster... Once the fight ended and he had prevailed he said to himself ""I lost a lot of good seamen today..."""

"""we're out of bread"" ""ciabatta be kidding!"" [waiter takes out gun] ""make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit"" [i take out my gun]"

"*clears throat and reads from the ancient parchment* i love big tittys"

"Ann Coulter has managed to stay so thin because the last solid meal she ate was Hansel and Gretel."

"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar One says, ""I've lost an electron."" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" The first replies, ""Yes, I'm positive."""