28059

Joke of the Day

"There's a strong correlation between the amount of pre-made holes in a guy's jeans & his level of douchiness."

"What did Optimus Prime say to Arcee? Have you ever blown a Transformer?"

"[Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later."

"Dr ""Do you want the good news or the bad news?"" Patient ""Good"" Dr ""You have 6 months to live"" P ""What's the bad news!?"" Dr ""...in dog years"""

"wife: Do you want a bowl? me [eating ice cream out of the carton] Why?"

"Coughing problems -My wife is constantly coughing. We have tried everything and nothing helps. -Have you tried weed? -Yes, she is coughing and laughing."

"How to survive a beat attack Run faster than your wife and kids"

"What do ISIS and Little Miss Muffet have in common? They both have Kurds in their way."

"What do you do when you are riding on the back of a zebra, right next to a camel, and a lion won't stop chasing you? Get off the carousel, dumb ass. You're drunk."

"Why can't Micheal Bay be a farmer? Because he dosen't have a plot."