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Joke of the Day
"wife: Do you want a bowl? me [eating ice cream out of the carton] Why?"
Next Joke
"[phone rings] ""Is your refrigerator running?"" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* ""I don't know what he's doing anymore."""
"There is a 'you can kill them if you catch them within a minute' rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that. *sharpening knife*"
"I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo."
"My grandfather is so racist he only eats white chocolate at Easter."
"I just realized why my dogs are afraid of thunder. They don't have any balls."
"Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke. *flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta's face* Nick Cage: I already handled it"
"Can someone help me find..... The guy on his cell phone laughing uncontrollably because someone rear ended a car full of nuns. I think he was leaving a message. Thanks in advance."
"Can you put the pin back in a grenade? It's kind of urgent. Need and answer fast."
"Why do Tajikistani people wear trucker hats? Cuz they're from Douche-anbe!"