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Joke of the Day

"How to survive a beat attack Run faster than your wife and kids"

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stays up all night wondering if dog exists."

"I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off. Butt not on porpoise."

"[shopping for make-up] ""Excuse me, what will make my eyes pop?"" ""I know exactly what you need."" [boots you into the vacuum of deep space]"

"Last night I was at the bar and this guy kept yelling ""bastard"" at his pint of beer. It's never nice to witness substance abuse."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He can't come anyways."

"What did the elephant say to the man? How do you breathe through something so small?"

"Did you hear the one about three Scotsmen who walk out of a bar? It could happen.."

"It's hard for me to believe that the new Star Wars trailer has already been seen millions of times. How do they even know where it's parked?"

"In which state does the Mississippi river flow? Liquid."