28015

Joke of the Day

"TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first."

"Jokes are like topsoil I make my own, but it's mostly recycled shit."

"I popped my dad's viagra now I'm hard as a motherfucker"

"One time I won a raffle in England, turns out it was for knighthood. Boy was I Sir prized"

"What's Hitler's favorite music genre? Reich and Roll"

"Celebrities are called stars because they're hot, not very bright, unattainable and destined to eventually collapse into a black hole."

"[2 friends fighting at Denny's] Chicken: *gritting teeth* I'll have the bacon Pig: *staring down the chicken* And I'll be having the EGGS!"

"""Every dog has his day,"" they used to say. Still, no one was quite prepared that morning Emperor Mister Pickles marched his army into town."

"Women are a lot like tennis rallies Occasionally, a back hand is needed to stay in control"

"My doctor asked me what I use to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases. . . I said: my face."