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Joke of the Day

"Three tampons are walking down the street... which one says ""hi"" to you? None of them, they're all stuck up cunts"

"Math joke: Why can't you derivate a social scientist? Because they don't have a function"

"Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming [thinking of an excuse because I can't swim] Me: I got killed by a shark once"

"I've got a new job in a biscuit factory. So far I've made a packet."

"Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day. It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound"

"Since we're talking about Vampire jokes, here's my favorite. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month..."

"Why did the Japanese man take a stick of butter and some oil to his garden? He wanted to see a butterfry"

"Cop: Lemme see your papers Me: Okay Cop: These are rolling papers Me: Would you look at that Cop: Sir are you high? Me: What are you, a cop?"

"Son: Dad how do stars die? Dad: Drugs, Usually"

"How many tickles does it take to effectively tickle an octopus? Tentacles."