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Joke of the Day

"Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff? Because they push back harder."

"What do you call a terrorist in the North Pole? An ISISicle!"

"Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza"

"The Martian, 2015: Matt Damon tries to prove how Irish he is by growing potatoes on Mars then leaving because he's hungry."

"I bet Vanna White hates the day after Labor Day?"

"When the inventor of USB stick dies.. They'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it the other way, then lower it again."

"Why do crows fly upside down over Reservations? Cause even they know that indians get enough free shit!"

"I wish I was a Farmer So I could be outstanding in my field."

"Teacher: Johnny you know you can't sleep in my class. Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter I could."

"Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint."