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Joke of the Day

"Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint."

"What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist? Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI"

"So a man goes and tells his wife he's going to take the day off..."

"Q: What do you call a frog with no hind legs? A: Unhoppy!!"

"I'm so proud of my son I asked him what the sound of one hand clapping is. He said ""dunno"" and walked off to his room, but I can hear him trying to figure it out."

"Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost."

"I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell... It only made it more sluggish."

"What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"How do you say thank you to a New York sushi chef? Gracias."

"I asked my masseuse if it was unusual to get an erection during a massage... the masseuse replied, ""not at all it happens all the time."" So i said, ""well do you mind keeping it out of my face."""