124373

Joke of the Day

"Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza"

"I'm not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!"

"Q: Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? A: Neither have they!"

"Where do Muslims go when they die? Everywhere"

"I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I'd put it in my mouth for 3 minutes."

"My mom yelled at me when I said I have never used a condom. Then I told her it was because I'm a virgin at 24 years old. So, my dad yelled at me instead."

"Congratulations to Charlie Hedbo for selling 3 million issues this week. I guess cartoons featuring Mohammed can be quite prophetable."

"what do you call a Canadian alien? ehh lmao"

"The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have no switched to mint Oreos."

"The local flasher in my area was going to retire this week but he's changed his mind and is going to stick it out till Christmas."